No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
