The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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