i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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