part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
