my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
