giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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