whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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