glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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