Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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