dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
