My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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