I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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