Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
