everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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