I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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