If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You should frame my arrest warrant.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
