from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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