so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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