i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
