Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
