Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
