Please, let me fuck your mom
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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