dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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