is your mom at the bar?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
