Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
