HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
