you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
