friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just gargled with NyQuil
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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