how can u be prego again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
