It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
