Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
