dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
