Jerry, you need to find god
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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