i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
