I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
