Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
