So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
