You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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