I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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