I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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