Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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