I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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