Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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