Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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