I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
