whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
