I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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