i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
