I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
