I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
