My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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