I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
