if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
