just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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