I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
